I know it’s been a very long time since I have written here. But as I sit here feeling sick to my stomach with tears streaming down my face, I feel a strong need to purge. Now before my friends and family panic, no… it’s not about me or my previous cancer diagnosis. It’s about the world we live in, and trying to make sense of something so horrific. The Newtown, Conn. Massacre. I can’t stop reading the articles, even as they tear me apart.
I won’t turn the news on with my children around, I don’t want to instill fear in them, associated with a place they go to on a daily basis to learn and be with friends. The one place I always felt safe dropping them off at knowing that the dedicated teachers are there to watch out for them. I have a son in Middle school, a daughter in Elementary school, another daughter in Pre-school and my youngest daughter at home with me and already a bit nervous when we begin to talk about the pre-school we are about to get her into.
I can’t begin to imagine how anyone close to the tragedy is coping with all the feelings of grief, fear, anger, confusion, loss etc… There are so many questions yet to be answered. How, Why and my biggest What? What can we do to prevent this from ever happening again?
Of course my first thoughts after hearing the news are, “You little coward bastard, what could possibly have happened so miserably in your life to make you want to heavily arm yourself and go into an Elementary school and kill kindergarteners? If you are feeling that hopeless, or angry at the world, why can’t you just quietly stay home and shoot your own brains out? Leave us a note, shouting at us, explain your thoughts, tell us what happened to make you snap and want to kill so violently.” But of course that may not get the same attention as his actions did.
So we are all left wondering and blaming, searching for an answer to this very complex situation. We are all screaming out what we believe to be responsible for this tragedy. Gun Control, we need more gun control, why the hell did a mother have so many guns accessible to her son, who obviously had some mental challenges.
Mental Health, why did he not have proper mental health care? What is wrong with our mental health system? Drugs, was he on medication? If so, what were they? We want to know! Are we over medicating our children with dangerous drugs that can have serious side effects, suicidal and violent thoughts.
The Media, the shooter will now forever be remembered by name and face that is splashed all over and over again. He is famous now. Yes, dead and pathetic as it is, there will be other psychotics out there now who may want to outdo this disaster and become the next big news story.
Violence, have we become too desensitized to violence. It’s everywhere, in our music, TV, video games. I know this is one I have tried to be aware of. In my home I banned guns for toys as long as I could, I try hard to limit my children watching violence on TV or playing video games. But it is so much a part of our society now. My 12-year-old son and all of his friends play video games and their favorites are the ones that involve shooting. If I thought it would prevent another disaster, I would go crush and trash every last one of his games right now!
I have read articles blaming parenting. They believe we need more Attachment Parenting. Of course in some cases parenting is to blame. However, I worked for years with children who have been abused and neglected and I have heard some horrific stories of what some children endure. None of them ended with going into a school and shooting innocent children.
Some are even trying to blame the chemicals in our food and water. They say we are not giving our children proper nutrients and we are exposed to too many chemicals that affect the brain.
We will all continue to search for answers to find a reason and make sense of something that can never be explained completely, or ever justified. But we must continue to try to understand how to prevent this from ever happening again.