Why I never ask, “Why Me?”

From the very start of my diagnosis this is one question I have never contemplated.  In fact, in my past instead of asking, “Why Me? ”  I have far more often asked myself, ” Why NOT me? ”  Maybe it’s because I have lost more than my fair share of friends that were way too young to go.  These were good people who left behind many others who loved them.  They left behind grieving parents, they were brothers or sisters, husbands or wives, some were parents themselves who left behind young children.  They lost their lives due to car accidents, drug overdoses, suicide, murder and diseases.  None of them deserved to die young.  Even though some of them were risk takers who didn’t take care of themselves the way they should, others were the picture of health.  They ate well, exercised, didn’t smoke cigarettes, use drugs or abuse alcohol.  They had a strong connection with their religion.  My good friend Donna comes to mind often when I think of this.  She was the purest example of a good person that I have ever had the pleasure to be friends with.  A few years ago, she passed away suddenly of, at the time, Unknown cause, while she was teaching a Sunday school class at her church!  She left behind a loving husband, and 3 young beautiful children, a brother and sisters, her Mother, and many friends.  It was a shock for me, and I couldn’t get over the question, ” Why her? ”  There is never a way to answer that question.  We are all  vulnerable.

When I look back at my life, I think of  all of  the risk I put myself in.  Smoking cigarettes, experimenting with drugs, hanging out with people I should not have been hanging out with, hitch hiking all over the place, taking rides from strangers, who were at times more than strange, not eating a healthy diet or getting the proper exercise, and never enough sleep.  Wow, it’s a wonder I made it through all of that.  So NO, I won’t ask, “Why Me? ”

I was reminded of this again this past weekend when I attended the Santa Clarita Relay for Life.  Before the kick off of the Survivor Walk, an amazing 15 year old girl got up to speak.  Her voice cracked as she choked back tears while telling her story of how she was diagnosed with Brain Cancer at 11 years old in the 6th grade.  She had to go through surgery, chemo, radiation and physical therapy.  It was heartbreaking to hear and imagine what her and her family must have went through.  As the tears welled up in my eyes, it was the one time I was grateful not to have eyelashes, as my mascara would have been smeared all over the place.  She is now happily cancer free with no sign of the tumor.  After hearing her story, I could not help but feel grateful.  And my thought was,  ” Thank God it is me, and not one of my children. ”  If my family has to go through this, then this is the way it should be.  I couldn’t bear having to watch one of my kids go through this.

So throughout the day, as I looked out at the sea of people wearing their purple Cancer Survivor shirts, I had many thoughts.  But… ” Why Me? ”  is never one of them.

Genine & I doing the Survivor Walk

This slideshow requires JavaScript.